A Picture Of Dita
by Imaginos1892
Summary: Three years ago, Dita vanished without a trace during a battle. Hibiki is so obsessed with finding her he can't see how much he's hurting the people close to him. Contains sexual situations. Based on Crimson Tears :REBOOT: by Soulimpared, continued in Crimson Tears (Sequel) by Imaginos1892, that is, me.
1. A Picture Of Dita

**A Picture Of Dita**

Hibiki stood in the observation deck, staring out at the stars. It was late by the Nirvana's clocks and Barnette was sure he had been there for at least an hour. She saw him here almost every night, and tonight she'd been watching him for more than five minutes.

It was always the same. Every time they visited a new star system he started in Communications, getting them to scour the local networks for clues. As soon as he got off duty, he took his Vanguard out to search. He'd even gotten Parfet and her engineers to enhance the sensors' range and sensitivity. He would ignore his own needs and hunt to the limit of the Vanguard's endurance, then wander up here to brood. Between times, he pulled up his private records and went over and over everything he had done, every place he had searched.

The Captain allowed it, because he always watched for enemies too, and turned in his sensor logs, and because there was no telling what he might do if denied. The whole crew quietly supported him, and wished him luck.

No one else was here; they had learned not to intrude. He was never rude, or even impolite, but he seemed to radiate leave-me-alone.

Barnette thought he had been left alone long enough. She _would_ intrude.

She walked across the darkened room and stood beside him at the transparent wall. The view from this system was spectacular, unique, and yet the same. Billions of points of light, some of them composed of billions more. She felt both insignificant, and magnificent. Because humans had traveled to thousands of those lights, and carved out places to live at scores of them. She lived aboard one of the ships which had done some of that work. No sign of it could be seen from here.

After several more minutes, she broke the silence. "No news?"

He grunted and shook his head. The silence returned. Then, "Would I be standing here?"

"I don't know. Nobody knows. It's never happened."

He turned and looked at her, hostile, but she was still looking at the stars. "It's been three years, Hibiki."

He was still hostile. "Plus a couple of weeks. And?"

"And nothing. Not a word, not a data packet, not a transponder ping, not a sighting. Not so much as a puff of gas with the right traces."

"I've heard it all before."

She turned to him. "Have you? People have been saying it, _I've_ been saying it, but have you been listening?"

He looked back at the stars and turned up the leave-me-alone. She ignored it and returned her attention to the view.

"I have to find her."

Barnette dared to reach over and put her hand on his arm. "We all miss her, Hibiki. We all want to find Dita, but how? What can we do that we haven't already done? Where could she be that in three years we haven't found her, and _she hasn't found us?_ "

When he didn't answer, she continued, "Every planet that can support human life has people on it. All she'd have to do is get a message to Mejere, or Melanos, or one of our other friends. They'd move whole star clusters to help her."

He still didn't answer. "Meia and Jura don't feel where she is. Your telepathic friends can't sense her presence. How many people, on how many worlds, on how many ships, have been helping us look for her, over the years? Why haven't _any_ of them found _anything?_ "

She felt his arm quiver. She looked at him and saw tears. She felt guilty about that, but it was the first time he'd shown _any_ emotion in longer than she wanted to think about. He wore his face like a mask these days, showing nothing. His hair was short and neat; Gascogne had literally dragged him off to get it cut a few times. Now she or Meia only had to remind him once or twice when it started to get shaggy. He had them inhibit his facial hair at the same time; he'd let it grow once but found it annoying and distracting. He'd outgrown his old Taraak clothing and picked up a few things on some of the planets they'd visited, selecting for utility and caring little about his appearance. Tonight he wore dark blue pants and a black shirt, open at the collar.

She moved closer to him. "I know you're in pain, and I don't want to add to it, but when is it enough? We can't spend ten million years searching every star. Look how many there are."

"Don't. You think. I know that?" he gritted out.

"I'm not sure you do. I think you're not letting yourself know it."

He stared at the stars and fought back tears.

Barnette squeezed his arm lightly. "Why won't you talk to me, Hibiki? You should. You _need_ to talk to somebody."

He glanced at her, then went back to stargazing. He barely noticed, but in their travels she'd tired of her skimpy blue-and-purple outfits and picked up a different sense of style. She wore white shorts and a green blouse, and she'd let her glossy green hair grow out to just less than shoulder length, with a slight curl at the ends.

"If not me, talk to Meia, or Gascogne. Or Duelo. One of the new crewmen? It's a big ship. There has to be _somebody_."

It was always this way — like talking to a black hole. Anything she cast into it just disappeared without a trace. Wanting to get _some_ reaction out of him for once, she turned and stepped in front of him, slipped her arms around him and pulled herself close.

Hibiki was shocked out of his gloom. He was taken completely by surprise, and had no response for this thoroughly unforeseen situation. He hadn't touched anyone, or been touched, in a long, long time. Barnette felt soft and warm and wonderful and _alive_. He could feel her heartbeat, and her breath on his cheek. He caught a faint scent of flowers in her hair.

When he didn't protest, or push her away, she sighed and closed her eyes. She had never held a man in her arms before. It felt quite unlike holding a woman, even allowing for the…anatomical differences. He'd grown several centimeters over the last few years, and was now just barely taller than her. He felt strong and solid and _right_ , as if she were meant to hold him, as if he answered some need she hadn't even been aware of until now.

Hibiki wanted her to stop. He couldn't bear for this to end. No one had ever comforted him like this before, not even Gramps. Barnette soothed the aching places in his soul. He didn't deserve to be soothed, not after three years of unending failure. He needed her, and he didn't want to, and he couldn't refuse.

She held him for a long time, then moved her head and looked at him. He appeared confused and uncertain. She whispered, "Oh, Hibiki. Don't you see? You don't have to be alone any more."

He didn't reply, but she thought she saw an answer, of sorts, in his eyes.

Barnette tilted her head and kissed him.

She had shocked him again. He started to respond, started to put his arms around her…

He turned his head and pulled his arms away. "No! I can't—"

"Why not? Why?" She felt a sudden, irrational rage. "Because you're waiting for **her?** Some day you're going to have to accept that she's _gone_ , and she's not coming back! Why not today?"

He went rigid, then shoved her away violently. She fell on her back as he turned and stumbled to the door, so stunned by her own outburst that she didn't even try to break her fall.

"No, Hibiki, wait, don't—"

It was too late. He was gone.

* * *

Hibiki lay on his bunk with the lights turned low and a blanket pulled up to his chin. He was uncomfortably warm, but deep inside was a bitter cold no physical heat could reach. He knew the cure, the only cure…gone, three years gone…

It was Barnette's fault. She said it. The thing he had avoided from the beginning — _she's gone, and she's not coming back_. He had managed not to face that possibility for three years, and she just threw it at him. How could she be so cruel?

He sought solace in a picture on the bedside table, captured instant of a lost past — bright blue eyes, a flood of red hair, a happy smile. Her carefree laugh echoed in his memory, and the picture blurred. He closed his eyes against the tears. He would give the whole universe and throw in his soul just to hear that voice say 'Mister Alien!' one more time.

His voice was a hoarse whisper. "Where are you? What happened to you? I can't find you… Why does the galaxy have to be so big?"

He wasn't sure how long he lay steeped in misery before he heard the door open. He croaked, "Go away."

It closed. He was just regaining his self-pity when he felt a weight settle on the bunk. He opened his eyes and blinked several times to clear them, to see who dared…

Barnette.

He croaked again. "I said go away." He'd meant it to be an angry command, but lacked the energy to make it more than a dull protest.

"I can't. I can't leave you like this." She was croaking, too. "I'm sorry, Hibiki, I didn't mean…" Her voice trailed off. The tears in her eyes spilled over and she sobbed quietly.

Part of him wanted to shout at her, drive her away, force her to leave him alone. Part of him…didn't, and held him back. Her crying reached him, a little. He had never seen her cry before. He heard she had cried twice, for Jura and Gascogne.

Tonight made three. After a long time she continued. "I was wrong. We don't know there's no hope, we don't know anything. I just know you're suffering, we both are. We're both alone."

He responded before he could stop himself. "You're not alone, you've got Jura."

"Jura's not right for me. I'm not right for her. Whatever."

He didn't know what to say about that.

"I'm not attracted to women. I never was, really, I just thought I was supposed to be. It's what we were always taught. Jura…well, you know her, she's everything I should have wanted. I never would have known what was missing, but then I ran into…you."

He still didn't know what to say.

"Oh, there was Duelo, and Bart, but you were the man I saw every day. A pilot, like me, fighting the enemy. I felt things, like Dita did, but she accepted her feelings. I didn't."

Yeah, he knew all about that. He'd fought against his feelings for Dita from the start. Not because he believed the Taraak propaganda, not any more. He could see that women were not horrible evil fiends, that they were people much like him, just…different. Disturbingly different.

No, he'd fought his feelings because he found them _inconvenient_. Confusing. Embarrassing. He hadn't known how to respond to Dita's overtures of friendship, and then love, so he'd tried to avoid the issue by avoiding her.

"I've stopped fighting it, Hibiki. Women and men belong together. I know that now."

He'd stopped fighting it too, at least a little. Dita had shown him that his life could be better, richer, than he had ever imagined, but it wasn't until she was gone that he'd realized how much he had lost. He felt that loss every day.

Barnette managed to smile. " _We_ belong together."

He hadn't seen where she was going. "What? I don't—"

She interrupted him hastily. "I'm not asking you to give up on Dita, or stop searching for her. But that can't be your whole life. There has to be more than what you've lost."

That made him stop, and think. What had his blind obsession done for Dita, for him, for anybody? He was no closer to finding her. All of his friends were worried about him, and he was lucky to have any left. He hadn't been much of a friend to them, these last three years.

Her tears flowed again as she finished, thickly, "What would Dita want? Would she want you to be empty and suffering and alone? Or would she want you to have someone, to help you, to be here for you?"

Hibiki gazed up at her as if seeing her for the first time.

She whispered, "I'm here for you, Hibiki."

Barnette slowly bent down and touched her lips to his. When he didn't pull back, or push her away, she moaned softly and leaned into the kiss. He fought free of the blanket and put his arms around her, and she moaned again. She had never felt a kiss this intensely before. A woman just couldn't do this for her. She reached out and found that he was still mostly covered by the blanket; they would have to do something about that, soon…

* * *

They lay side by side, almost painfully crowded in the narrow bunk, as they slowly recovered from the overwhelming experience. Neither of them had ever imagined anything like it, although Barnette had started with at least some idea what to expect. She felt a sense of fulfillment; Hibiki _was_ everything she'd always wanted, and never found. She cursed the lies that had kept her apart from him, kept men and women apart, for so long. At least she was free of them now.

Hibiki's feelings were deeply divided. On one hand, he felt strongly connected to Barnette, far beyond the physical pleasure she'd given him. He wanted to keep her close, spend time with her, get to know her better. On the other hand…this was what he should have felt for Dita. What she had wanted to share with him, what he'd been too stupid to accept.

Out of long habit he looked at the table. The picture was gone. He hunted around frantically, then pushed himself up and leaned across Barnette. He could see it now, face down on the floor. He reached for it but came up about half a meter short.

Barnette twisted, and saw what he was after. She stretched, picked up the picture, and handed it to him. One corner of the frame was dented and cracked, and the picture inside was skewed. He felt a crushing guilt and would have shrunk away from Barnette if the bunk allowed it.

She felt him move and guessed what it meant. "I'm sorry, Hibiki, one of us must have knocked it off."

She tried to reassure him. "It's all right. The picture's not damaged, it just needs to be straightened up, and the frame's not really important. You could get a new one."

Hibiki just sat there staring at the picture. Barnette felt panic growing in her chest. She could lose him, right now, over a stupid picture. She usually knew just what to say in any situation, but this one defeated her. Maybe, the right thing to say was…nothing. She lay there looking up at him.

Finally, he reached over and stood it on the table with painstaking care. He pulled his arm back slowly and continued staring at it. Barnette still didn't dare to speak. After a long wait, he looked down at her.

"Barnette…"

She said, hesitantly, "Should I go?"

He nodded slightly. Her heart sank, but she sat up, turned, got off the bunk and gathered her scattered clothing. He watched her dress, silently, his expression unreadable. She made just a bit of a show of it, without being obvious. Twice, she caught hints of a smile on his face. It made her feel better.

When she had nothing left to do, she gave him the best smile she could. "Good night, Hibiki."

He managed an almost normal, "Good night, Barnette."

At the door she turned back to him. "Hibiki…I know you still miss her. It's right that you do. Just…please, don't shut me out. I care about you even more now. Let me — let me see you again. Let me talk to you, tomorrow."

She had almost said 'let me be here for you' but with the context, it was definitely the wrong thing to say. She waited anxiously. He nodded again.

She smiled, relieved. "I'll see you tomorrow, Hibiki. And, if you can get a good night's sleep, it can help. Everything seems better."

He waited until the door closed, then picked up the picture again. He turned it over, worked the back off and inspected it carefully. The picture really was intact, and the frame damage seemed to be superficial, if unsightly. He carefully realigned the picture, put it back together and returned it to its place.

A good night's sleep. Sound theory, but not so easy in practice. He'd found that out the hard way, over and over. Well, one way or another the night would pass. They always did. Tomorrow, he would see Barnette again. He had given his word.

He looked into those clear blue eyes. "What am I doing?"


	2. Missing You

**Missing You**

Hibiki woke. He felt…all right. Better than he had in a long time. He _had_ gotten a good night's sleep, one of the best since — since Dita was lost. He felt guilty about it, like he had no right to any comfort, anything good, after his failures to find her. He turned his head. The picture didn't really look at him accusingly, that was just his imagination. He knew what he felt for Dita, had finally managed to accept those feelings, but it was hard to reconcile them with what he was starting to feel for Barnette.

He tried to reassure the picture. "I'm still looking for you, Dita. I'll never stop looking until I find you."

But the memory of Barnette was there whenever he dropped his guard. It wasn't just because of her gorgeous body, her captivating kisses, or the exhilarating sex…he was sure that wasn't all. He'd never known she was so kind and caring and compassionate. He'd been underestimating her since the beginning, and he hadn't treated her well. He felt guilty about that, too. She deserved better than to be kicked out the door because _he_ had issues.

He dreaded facing her again. What must she think of him? And Dita, he couldn't abandon her. He made a decision. He wasn't salving his conscience while avoiding Barnette, not consciously, anyway…

* * *

Barnette woke. She felt… _good_. Really good. She yawned and stretched, then closed her eyes and thought about Hibiki. She remembered the feel of his hands on her body, his lips, his…well, she knew a _lot_ more about men, and Hibiki, than she had before last night. She had never felt anything like that before. Clearly, neither had he. She felt both smug and sad to know that Dita had missed out on such an exquisite experience.

She emerged from her reverie and looked at the clock. She would miss breakfast if she didn't get moving. She hopped out of bed, got clothes from her cabinets and started to dress. She felt a little shiver of pleasure as she remembered dressing in front of Hibiki. She was sure he'd enjoyed it too, at least a little, despite his guilt over them knocking Dita's picture off the table.

She would have to be careful of his feelings for Dita. His determination to find her, his persistent loyalty, were some of the qualities that had attracted her to him in the first place. She couldn't just consider them inconvenient now. She thought that over as she finished dressing. She would support his search, and help if she could. Even though she didn't expect it to make any difference.

There was no one in sight as she stepped outside. On her way to breakfast, she caught herself humming a happy little tune. She would see Hibiki today, and tell him what she'd been thinking about. Maybe she'd get him talking, too. He really did need to talk.

She joined the last stragglers in the serving line and looked around the seating area. The ship's mess was emptying out, Hibiki wasn't there, and she didn't see… She realized that she'd been looking for Jura, and was relieved not to have found her.

What was she going to do about Jura? They'd been drifting apart again, but this…this was a complete break. She and Jura were finished. She had managed to avoid even thinking about that but she couldn't evade it any longer. She had just hurt her long-time partner dreadfully, and Jura didn't even know it yet.

There could be no turning back, and she didn't want to. What she felt for Jura was but a shadow of what she already felt for Hibiki, and that feeling was still growing. She wondered how much stronger it could get. Eventually she would have to face Jura and apologize, but she would be unable to offer any regrets.

She picked up her breakfast and found a seat with two other Dread pilots. One of them returned her cheery 'Good morning' but the other one was wearing her flight suit and eating frantically.

Barnette chuckled. "How many alarms did you ignore this morning?"

She just growled and kept eating. It looked like she'd make it on time. Barnette started eating, and watched her finish, jump up, and toss her tray into the scullery as she ran past. A few minutes later the other pilot finished and started to leave.

Barnette swallowed. "Wait, Celise. Have you seen Hibiki this morning?"

She stopped and thought about it. "No, but somebody said he was waiting in line when the mess opened, and he was in a big hurry."

Barnette smiled. "Thanks."

After breakfast she checked the flight roster and confirmed that she was scheduled as Flight Leader of the 1600 patrol. She stopped in at Flight Control and brought up the deployment log. She found Hibiki listed as deployed at 0623, with no scheduled return time and an open course plan. He was out looking for Dita again, and wouldn't be back until his Vanguard ran low on fuel in twelve hours or so.

Her happy mood took a serious hit. She'd really been looking forward to seeing him, and now she'd be leaving before he returned. She wouldn't see him until her own patrol ended at 2000, and they'd both be tired. She felt disappointed, and more than a little irate. He could have at least waited, and seen her before he left. Hadn't last night meant _anything_ to him?

She stalked down to the Dread bays, ignoring the few people she passed on the way. She needed to do a preflight check on her Dread, and since it seemed she had the whole day to kill she might as well do it right. She pulled up the diagnostics menu and started methodically running through the entire list.

* * *

Hibiki immersed himself in the familiar search routine. He set his Vanguard's scanners to maximum sensitivity, with a periodic active sweep to make sure they caught _everything_ that might be out there. Receivers listened for any signals. Everything was also stored for later analysis by the Nirvana's much more capable computers. He'd spent more time analyzing than actually searching, over the years.

Barnette thought he was wasting his time, tormenting himself for nothing. Everything she had said to him last night was logical, reasonable, and sensible, but he was certain that she was wrong. Way, way deep down inside he had a _feeling_ that Dita was out there somewhere, far away and alone and lost. It wasn't something he could explain to Barnette, or even to himself. He just knew that as long as he felt it, he could never give up.

That _feeling_ was frustrating. It never got stronger, or weaker, never gave any hint of direction, just kept driving him to go on searching without providing any clue about _where_ to look. Sometimes he thought it was teasing him, by pushing without helping.

Dita had never teased him. She had always been completely open about her feelings. If anything, he had teased her, by denying what he felt. Now what he felt was regret, and guilt. Those weren't the only reasons he kept hunting, but they provided an extra goad.

Barnette wasn't teasing him, either. She had proved that last night. She was as direct as Dita about what she wanted, and considerably more…forceful. Her approach was certainly effective. He hadn't been able to deny anything to her. He might still be denying a few things to himself.

* * *

Barnette's morning passed. She put the computers on standby, got out, stretched and started off to lunch. She had logged a couple of small problems, and received a reply assuring her that they would be taken care of by 1400. She'd start working on them herself after lunch if Engineering hadn't.

She made her way through the serving line and looked around. Jura waved, but fortunately there weren't any empty seats at her table. She waved back, with a little smile, then sat down across from Celise a few tables away. She was busy eating, so they just nodded to each other. That suited her.

After a few minutes they both became less focused on eating.

Celise told her, "If you're still looking for Hibiki, he's out in his Vanguard trying to find Dita again. I don't know what he expects to find today that he didn't find yesterday."

Barnette finished a bite. "Yes, I looked at the deployment log. If he does the usual, he won't be back until supper, or after. I've got the 1600 patrol, so I'll already be gone."

Celise had a concerned look. "I just wish there was some way you could get him to open up."

Barnette nearly choked on her next bite. She'd found a way, oh, yeah. She managed to recover without Celise noticing.

She continued, "I know you've been trying to help him for a long time. Have you made any progress at all?"

 _Progress? Oh, you could call it that_ … "I've seen him at night, in the observation deck. He's getting easier to talk to. I think."

Celise chuckled. "Maybe you're just getting used to his melancholy withdrawal. Or is it his withdrawn melancholy? Well, if anybody can reach him, it would be you." Her concern returned. "I hope you can help him. It's so sad, to see him trying so hard and never finding anything."

It _was_ sad. That was one of the reasons she had started trying to break through his shell, although she had a lot of other reasons now. She'd see what he had to say for himself, when she finally caught up with him. She smiled at Celise. "I'll keep trying, and thanks for your support."

Celise finished her lunch. "Well, I'm off. I hope you can make some more progress with him tonight."

More progress! Barnette was thankful she hadn't been taking another bite just then. Or worse, a drink.

* * *

Barnette found two techs working on her Dread. She moved in and worked with them. Like most of the Nirvana's pilots, she liked to be hands-on with her spacecraft's maintenance. They ran through all the remaining diagnostics, found and fixed one more minor issue, and stepped back to admire their work.

She thanked them, and they complimented her for making their jobs easier by keeping her Dread in top condition. They moved off to work on the next Dread on their schedule. She checked the clock and decided it was time to hit the head, then get to the ready room.

Forty minutes later she was getting her squadron into formation. It was easy; they were all experienced pilots and knew what to do. They moved out on schedule and right on their assigned patrol course. Everything routine.

Everything stayed routine. She wasn't selfish enough to actually _wish_ for some disaster to relieve the tedium, but she felt a temptation. She put them, and herself, through drills and exercises, always leaving three Dreads on alert and re-forming the squadron afterward. There were few mistakes, and the pilots recognized and corrected them without any input from her. It was good to work with professionals, even if they still pretended to be pirates.

* * *

Hibiki detected a freighter passing near him, bound for the inner system, and cracked into its computers as a matter of course. It was good to have military-grade computers and decryption software. He chuckled. He'd been hanging out with the Mejere Pirates long enough to pick up pretty much all of their bad habits. Well, they'd found useful tidbits of information in ships' computers before, and BC and Parfet would be disappointed if he _didn't_ pilfer their data. At least they were always careful not to leave any trace of their intrusions, or do any damage. They were _good_ Pirates.

He checked his instruments while waiting for the download. They told him there was nothing significant around besides the innocent ship he was molesting, and that if he wasn't back aboard the Nirvana in two hours he would be calling Gascogne for a pick-up. He'd let that happen a couple of times, and it was always mortifying. She would make the run herself and taunt him unmercifully all the way back, and he would deserve it. Returning under his own power was much to be preferred.

He liked to stay out as long as possible. The _feeling_ that drove him seemed less demanding while he was out here, actually doing something about finding Dita, even if he was woefully short on results. It allowed him to relax a little. For three years these hours of searching had been the closest thing he could find to peace. He had his Vanguard, and the stars, and the knowledge that he was at least _trying_ to find her.

He sought that peace again, but today it was eluding him. Today was different. He felt…impatient to return to the Nirvana.

He wanted to get back to Barnette.

That was confusing. He still felt as strongly as ever about Dita, was even more determined to find her, but now he was having feelings for Barnette, too. Wasn't that wrong? It didn't feel wrong, though. Being alone, and bereft, and despondent felt wrong.

He needed Barnette. He needed her caring and support. He had needed her all along, but hadn't known it. He had found comfort in her arms and he couldn't go back to his old ways.

He set course for the Nirvana. He would return and see her, apologize to her, and hope she would forgive him. If he pushed it a little, he could still make it in time for supper. Maybe they could eat together.

Half an hour later he was closing in. "Nirvana Control, this is Gold One, on approach. Request permission to return to the ship."

It was nice to hear a cheerful young woman's voice on the comm. "Gold One, Nirvana Control. Permission granted. Vanguard bay is clear. Welcome back, Hibiki."

That wasn't exactly protocol, but most of the crew supported his search, and encouraged him in little ways. He hadn't really noticed before, but Barnette had opened his eyes to a lot of things.

"Nirvana Control, Gold One, acknowledge. It's good to be back."

He got his Vanguard parked and shut down. Two of Gascogne's ship-services ladies were already connecting the umbilicals by the time he climbed out, so he thanked them, got out of his flight suit and stowed it in his locker, and departed. He didn't know where Barnette would be, so he headed for the Dread pilots' ready room.

She wasn't there. "Does anybody know where Barnette is?"

One of the pilots looked up at him. "She's out on patrol."

"Oh." He felt just a bit dizzy for a second. "Um, thanks."

He turned and walked away. He'd been in such a rush this morning, avoiding her, that he hadn't thought to check the duty roster. She wouldn't be back for almost two hours. Yet another screwup he would have to apologize for. Well, his stomach was growling so he'd better get to supper. He'd been eating alone for three years, but it had never felt _lonely_. Now it did.

He needed Barnette.

Celise watched him go. This morning Barnette had been looking for Hibiki, and now here he was looking for her. What did it mean?

* * *

By 1940 Barnette and her squadron were nearly back to the Nirvana, and they were all starting to relax. There was essentially no chance that anything had gotten around them and into a position to trouble them now. They remained alert, but most of the tension was gone. She was able to spare a bit of her attention and enjoy the view. It was much the same one she had shared with Hibiki last night.

She'd shared a _lot_ with Hibiki last night. Then, just when they should have talked about themselves, and each other, and where they were going, he'd thrown her out over a picture that had barely been damaged. That…rankled. Today he'd run off in his Vanguard without even seeing her to say 'Good morning'. Rankle times two. Was he _trying_ to piss her off?

She sighed. No. She couldn't believe that he was deliberately trying to hurt her. He could be clumsy, and clueless, and a little self-centered, but she would never believe that he could be so heartless. This had to be some stupid mistake. She'd seen him make a few of those.

She checked the sky, and her instruments, and even did an active scanner sweep. Nothing showed but her squadron, a few civilian ships and the Nirvana. They hadn't found any evidence that this system was anything other than the modest society it seemed to be, going about its business. Hibiki was unlikely to find any clues about Dita here.

So why was he out there wasting his time, and hers, searching the same system again? Why had he flown off before she even had a chance to see him? What was he thinking? If she could try to understand that, maybe she would understand what he'd done.

Everything had been fine last night until he saw Dita's picture on the floor. That picture! How could it be more important than the real, living woman who had just given herself to him? Why had it pushed her out of his thoughts, made her an unwanted presence in his bed? It was just a picture!

Well, it was, and it wasn't. She forced herself to calm down and think about it. That picture had been his closest link to Dita for three years, the focus of his obsession with finding her. In his mind, they had just kicked Dita face-down on the floor. No wonder he felt guilty.

Maybe she was overreacting too, just a little. She was even more sure now that he wasn't hurting her on purpose. He had responded to his own guilt, and failed to consider her feelings. That was something he would have to learn, but beating him over the head wouldn't help. She would have to remain composed, and get him to see how she felt, and why.

She wanted to work this out with him, to continue the relationship they had started. She _wanted_ Hibiki. She had never felt this strongly about anyone before, and she didn't want it to end. She would talk to him tonight, and she would listen to whatever he said. Maybe they could both learn to understand each other.

For now, it was time to check in. "Nirvana Control, this is Flight Leader, patrol two-eight-five, on approach. Request permission to return, estimated time nine minutes."

Their response was professional, too. "Flight Leader two-eight-five, Nirvana Control. Permission granted. We have you on course, confirm nine minutes. Docking bays are clear."

"Nirvana Control, Flight Leader two-eight-five, acknowledge."

Docking was as routine as the rest of their patrol. They shut down their engines and let tractor beams tug their Dreads into place. The main door closed, lights blinked green, and air started to fill the space.

She wasn't done yet. Being Flight Leader wasn't all fun and games; it entailed a lot of work. After she got her own Dread properly parked in its bay and the umbilicals connected, uploaded her sensor data, checked all the other Dreads and their uploads, officially logged all her pilots back aboard and off-duty, _then_ she was finally free to take the long walk to Flight Control, make her own report and be relieved of duty herself. It all took nearly an hour, and she was careful not to rush and miss anything.

* * *

Barnette found Hibiki, again, in the observation deck, gazing out at the stars. Most of her remaining ire faded at the sight of him. She stepped up behind him and put her arms around him. He tensed, and seemed to shrink into himself, then slowly relaxed. She watched the stars over his shoulder for several minutes before breaking the silence.

"Mmmmm. This feels good."

He didn't answer, but he seemed to get a little more…accepting. He secretly agreed with her; it felt a lot more than just good. He remembered her luscious body, now pressed against his back.

Her tone changed. "I missed you today. I wanted to see you."

He hesitated. "I'm sorry. I was…I had a lot to think about. And I'm sorry about…when I wanted you to leave, last night. It wasn't nice."

She waited a few seconds before replying. "No, it wasn't very nice. I've thought about it, and I understand why you did it. You felt guilty. But that doesn't make it right. You have to think about my feelings too. And I have to think about yours."

He nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry. But how can I…when Dita…"

When he didn't continue, she said, "You still think she's out there, somewhere."

"She has to be. I have to find her."

She squeezed him tighter for a second. "You're doing all you can, Hibiki. Nobody could do more. Nobody could try harder."

"It's not enough."

She squeezed him again. "That's not your fault. Sometimes everything we can do isn't enough. You don't deserve to suffer for that."

He shook his head and didn't answer.

"I mean it. We've both seen people die, not because they weren't smart enough, or strong enough, or good enough, but because they faced something _no one_ could survive. It's not our fault if the universe hits us with something that's impossible to deal with. All we can do is our best, and you are."

He still didn't answer.

"If I was lost out there, you're the man I'd want looking for me."

This time he raised one hand and touched her arm. She squeezed, and they both looked at the stars for a time.

"Hibiki? Did…did you like being with me? Having sex with me?" She sounded hesitant, almost nervous. Not like herself at all.

He realized that he could hurt her grievously by saying the wrong thing. He swallowed uneasily. "Uh, yeah. A lot."

That was the right thing. She hugged him tight and sighed. "I did too. A lot. And I want to do it again." She giggled. "A lot."

When it was clear he wasn't going to say anything, she prompted him, "How about you?"

"I, um, yeah, but, uh…"

Barnette murmured in his ear, "Are you trying to say, 'yes, but not tonight'?"

He nodded, dreading her reaction.

She squeezed him again and smiled. "That's all right. I'm here for you, Hibiki. In every way, not just for sex. You can talk to me, or kiss me, or we can stand here and look at the stars together. As long as we're good."

This time he raised both hands and pressed her arms against him. "I think…we're good. You're good to me, Barnette."

They went on looking at the stars for a long time.

"It's late."

Barnette knew what he was trying to say. She didn't want to be too assertive, or push him too far. She squeezed him again. "All right. You kept your promise. I saw you, and talked to you."

She slipped around in front of him. "Will you kiss me good-night?"

He didn't respond for a long moment, then cautiously put his arms around her and touched their lips together. She sighed and melted into the kiss. _Don't push_. She parted her lips but didn't go beyond that. Neither did Hibiki. She pulled back when he did.

She smiled. "Good night, Hibiki. I'll see you tomorrow."

He seemed to be having a little trouble with his voice. He finally managed, "Okay. Good night, Barnette."

He turned and walked to the door. At least he wasn't running this time.

* * *

Amarone was bored. Boredom was practically mandatory on the midwatch, but she seemed more susceptible than most. There was nothing to do but wait for something to break the routine, while hoping it didn't, because it would almost certainly mean an attack. Making small talk with the other two people stuck here with her wasn't exactly prohibited, but it was strongly discouraged, and as senior Watch Officer it was her job to do the discouraging. Distractions could delay their response to the unexpected by critical seconds.

On the other hand, nobody could stay fully alert all the time. That was why there were three of them, to pass the job around and allow each of them to get some rest between bouts of full-alert. Amarone had just passed it on, and decided to unwind by poking around in the Nirvana's computers. Hibiki had uploaded a big batch of data from today's Dita-search, and she started looking through it.

He had ripped off a civilian ship's data, and the name jogged something. She ran a query and found that they had encountered the same ship five weeks ago in another star system. She set up a comparison between the two downloads of the ship's computer memory and started it running before taking her next turn on high-alert.

Three rotations later the computer reported the analysis complete, with anomalies. Amarone looked through both the data and the analysis carefully.

There were significant discrepancies in today's data, far more than could be explained by five weeks of normal operation for a bulk-cargo freighter. Somebody or something had tampered with the ship's computers, and they hadn't been subtle about it. Amarone composed a summary and logged it for Commander Calessa's attention in the morning.

She was back to bored, but the midwatch was almost over.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

This part of the story ends here. It continues in 'Crimson Tears (Sequel)', story ID 12048183.

That's the story I set out to write, a continuation of Soulimpared's 'Crimson Tears :REBOOT:' but I wasn't getting many readers. I suspected that part of the reason was the M rating; the default search only goes up to T, so most people wouldn't even know my story existed. I started writing 'A Picture Of Dita' as just a short T-rated intro piece, a hook to point everybody to the real story.

Then it started to grow. I began to feel that I wanted to tell a different story. Then Soulimpared posted a new chapter after five years, taking his story in an entirely different direction. The break was complete, and my story had to go its own way.

This is the result. It's still based on his story — Dita three years missing, Barnette and Hibiki together, mysterious enemies they have to face — but with a different twist.

The next chapter, 'Clues' is M-rated. It has to go in 'Crimson Tears (Sequel)'. I hope y'all like it.


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